Caturtrolls Privacy Policy

Last updated: Ten minutes ago

We are the Caturtrolls. We operate Caturtrolls.com. The European Union says we have to create this page to let you know how we store and use the data we collect about you while you look at our collection of cat gifs. The European Union is a pain in the butt. The Trumpster doesn’t make us write meaningless drivel like this, because the Trumpster knows that information should be free, especially for the NSA.

But we’re just innocent kittens. What do we know? We love fluffy things, red dots of light, and balls of wool.

There’s no need to keep reading any further. Purrrrrr!

We use your Personal Information only to provide and improve our Site. Honest! By using our Site, you agree to let us collect and use whatever data we can get about you, in accordance with this policy.

You really should stop reading now. This document gets reallllllly boooooring. Purrrrrrr!

Go look at the Cat GIFs.

How we collect and use information about you

While you’re using the Caturtrolls Site, we may ask you to provide us with certain personally identifiable information that can be used to contact or identify you. Personally identifiable information may include your name, email address, phone number, home address, credit card number and expiration date, and diverse other things we can’t think of right at this moment, but which may come in handy/profitable later.

But don’t worry about it. What could we do with such information anyway? We’re just sweeeeet kittens who love cat gifs. Stop reading. Go look at the Naughty Kitties.

Server Log Data

We collect information that your browser sends whenever you visit the Caturtrolls Site (“Log Data“). We don’t really ask for this data. Your machine just kind of blabs when it gets to our site. It’s like your drunk auntie. You don’t really want to hear about her verrucas, but you’re gonna anyways. The Interwebs is made like that.

The data we extract from our server logs after your computer spills its guts includes information such as your computer’s Internet Protocol (“IP“) address, browser type, browser version, operating system (You still use Windows? Really?), what pages you visit on the Caturtrolls site, the time and date of your visit, the time spent on those pages, other statistics, and what color your bedspread is. You really should wash that thing, once in awhile, you know?

Just kidding. We can’t tell the color of your bedspread from our log data. Your cat told us…

In addition, Caturtrolls uses third party services such as Google Analytics that collect, monitor and analyze your data. But don’t worry. By the time you reach our site, the NSA already knows all about you (and the color of your bedspread). AT&T, Verizon, and other Internet Service providers sell your data to the intelligence services long before Google gets hold of it, so our site really is the last thing you need to worry about at this stage. Why are you still reading this? The Caturtrolls are far more entertaining.

Cookies

The Caturtrolls site uses cookies. They’re like sweet little fluffy balls of wool. You can find out more about them through this link, but why bother. Just keep thinking about fluffy balls of wool. You shouldn’t even be reading this anymore. Go look at the Cat GIFs.

Security

The security of your Personal Information is kind of important to us… kind of, though not as important as our cat gifs. Remember that we’re cats, so by far the most important thing here is US. No method of transmission over the Internet, or method of electronic storage, is 100% secure anyway. And while we strive to use commercially acceptable means to protect your Personal Information, we cannot guarantee your data’s absolute security, especially in view of the fact that it’s already been sold to the highest bidder by your Internet Service Provider, before you even get here. Meow!

Changes To This Privacy Policy

This Privacy Policy is effective as of right now and will remain in effect except with respect to any changes in its provisions in the future, until the very moment we decide to change it, which will then be in effect immediately after being posted on this page. We can basically do anything we want with the information on this page, and consequently with your use of our site. This is our scratch pole, not yours.

DEAL WITH IT!

Remember: we’re cats, and that we’re kind of flighty. We’re likely to change this Privacy Policy at any moment, and if we do, the changes we make come into effect instantly. If you miss them, that’s not our problem. You’ll be in breach, not us. We therefore suggest that you refresh this page every couple of minutes while you’re on the Caturtroll site, just to insure you don’t miss any changes.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

If our Privacy Policy suddenly tells you not to use our site without wearing your underwear outside your everyday clothes, and you fail to comply, we will find you and scratch you, or at least pee on you. Failing that, we’ll take you to court for breach of agreement.

Remember, the Caturtrolls reserve the right to update or change our Privacy Policy at any time, without notice. We said it before, and we’ll say it again: You should check and re-read this Privacy Policy at least once every 120 seconds, to make sure you’re not missing anything new and consequently breach your agreement with us… an agreement which the European Union demands you make with us, for full disclosure of bedspread colors and such.

See? It’s the EU, not us.

You wouldn’t want our legal kittens to make you wear those hideous undergarments outside your actual clothes, would you?

Yeah, your cat spilled the beans on your underwear too. We know stuff about your bedroom even the NSA doesn’t.

Your continued use of our Site/Service constitutes your acknowledgment of the modifications we make here without notice, and your consent to abide and be bound by our instantaneously modified Privacy Policy… even if that means displaying your undergarments publicly, or donning a tinfoil hat, or anything else we deem to be entertaining… just like you find us chasing those damn red dots hilarious. It’s payback-time, sucka!

Contact Us

If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us… except if you want to whine. We’re cats. We don’t care. Go whine at someone who does.

Purrrrr… Love us!

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