Last updated: Ten minutes ago
We are the Caturtrolls. We operate Caturtrolls.com. The European Union says we have to create this page to let you know how we store and use the data we collect about you. The European Union is a pain in the butt. The Trumpster doesn’t make us write meaningless drivel like this, because the Trumpster knows that information should be free, especially for the NSA.
But we’re just innocent kittens. What do we know? We love fluffy things, red dots of light, and balls of wool.
There’s no need to keep reading any further. Purrrrrr!
We use your Personal Information only to provide and improve our Site. Honest! By using our Site, you agree to let us collect and use whatever data we can get about you, in accordance with this policy.
You really should stop reading now. This document gets reallllllly boooooring. Purrrrrrr!
How we collect and use information about you
While you’re using the Caturtrolls Site, we may ask you to provide us with certain personally identifiable information that can be used to contact or identify you. Personally identifiable information may include your name, email address, phone number, home address, credit card number and expiration date, and diverse other things we can’t think of right at this moment, but which may come in handy/profitable later.
But don’t worry about it. What could we do with such information anyway? We’re just sweeeeet kittens. Stop reading. Go look at the Naughty Kitties.
Server Log Data
We collect information that your browser sends whenever you visit the Caturtrolls Site (“Log Data“). We don’t really ask for this data. Your machine just kind of blabs when it gets to our site. It’s like your drunk auntie. You don’t really want to hear about her verrucas, but you’re gonna anyways. The Interwebs is made like that.
The data we extract from our server logs after your computer spills its guts includes information such as your computer’s Internet Protocol (“IP“) address, browser type, browser version, operating system (You still use Windows? Really?), what pages you visit on the Caturtrolls site, the time and date of your visit, the time spent on those pages, other statistics, and what color your bedspread is. You really should wash that thing, once in awhile, you know?
Just kidding. We can’t tell the color of your bedspread from our log data. Your cat told us…
In addition, Caturtrolls uses third party services such as Google Analytics that collect, monitor and analyze your data. But don’t worry. By the time you reach our site, the NSA already knows all about you (and the color of your bedspread). AT&T, Verizon, and other Internet Service providers sell your data to the intelligence services long before Google gets hold of it, so our site really is the last thing you need to worry about at this stage. Why are you still reading this? The Caturtrolls are far more entertaining.
The security of your Personal Information is kind of important to us… kind of. Remember that we’re cats, so by far the most important thing here is US. No method of transmission over the Internet, or method of electronic storage, is 100% secure anyway. And while we strive to use commercially acceptable means to protect your Personal Information, we cannot guarantee your data’s absolute security, especially in view of the fact that it’s already been sold to the highest bidder by your Internet Service Provider, before you even get here. Meow!
DEAL WITH IT!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
See? It’s the EU, not us.
You wouldn’t want our legal kittens to make you wear those hideous undergarments outside your actual clothes, would you?
Yeah, your cat spilled the beans on your underwear too. We know stuff about your bedroom even the NSA doesn’t.